I freely and proudly admit that I'm an Anglophile through and through. Like the rest of the world, I too watched the Royal Wedding with joy and happiness for Prince William and Princess Catherine. Diana would have been beaming with pride today. Softie that I am, I teared up and got a big lump in my throat during the ceremony. Thank goodness I didn't break down completely as I didn't have any tissues nearby.
I also freely admit to being a big fan of the British Royal Family. Okay, so Prince Charles has made a few mistakes, and I agree wholeheartedly that they were huge ones, but unlike some who think that he and the rest of the Royal Family had something to do with Diana's death, I don't think so. Prince Charles looked every bit the proud father today and justifiably so. And I loved Princess Catherine's dress. It was elegant and gorgeous in an understated sort of way, which, I feel, suited Princess Catherine perfectly.
Unlike some of the Royal marriages of the past, I feel that this one will last. And I wish the newlyweds all the happiness in the world.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Not easy being me
Ok, so the above title is a variation on Kermit the Frog's it's not easy being green, but it fits because it's NOT easy being me right now. This is not me feeling sorry for myself I promise. See, I like to think I have a good heart, and one of the things that I always do is try to reach out and offer support when I see that someone might need it. 99 percent of the time, it's taken for what it is and is appreciated. But sometimes it isn't and my effort to be supportive is met with anger and hostility. Last night was one of those times. When it happens I remind myself that my intentions were honorable and good and that I'm sometimes going to run into people who, for whatever reason, don't want to accept it. The problem is that however much I remind myself of that, it still hurts when I am met with hostility simply for trying to be supportive. Thankfully, the hurt will eventually go away, And I will continue doing as I always do and trust that karma will take care of the rest.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
My heart is heavy
My heart is heavy today. Much is on my mind that I cannot share, or rather, that I can share, but only with a very select group of people, There is a lot of digesting and processing to be done on my part, and so far, I'm finding the going difficult to say the least. Knowing that a member of my family of choice is in trouble but must walk the path ahead of them on their own while I watch from afar is agony for me. I am praying for healing for all involved, and I pray for wisdom, compassion, and strength in the days and weeks ahead. I pray for guidance as well, so that should I be asked for advice, I am able to give it with love and without judgement.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
For those who don't know
For those who don't know, I'm doing several things online in order to make a bit of extra money because living on a fixed income doesn't leave much in my pocket. So if you're so inclined, please click the few amazon ads and google ads sometimes. It's not required but would be greatly appreciated. I also just figured out how to syndicate my blog which is also a good thing,
It's been a difficult week for me, which is why I've been silent as far as posts go. I can't go into details here for reasons of privacy, but I'm doing the best I can to deal with the new challenges which have come into my path.
It's been a difficult week for me, which is why I've been silent as far as posts go. I can't go into details here for reasons of privacy, but I'm doing the best I can to deal with the new challenges which have come into my path.
Friday, April 15, 2011
What a roller coaster ride!
The title says it all, I had pretty much resigned myself to not going to the memorial, when all of a sudden I heard from my mother yesterday, I wasn't sure what to expect given that our last conversation hadn't been pleasant, but she had come around and is now, if not thrilled with my decision to stay at a hotel, at least she has accepted it, I decided to go ahead and tell Lisa today since I had forgotten to ask her when she'd be back to work anyway. She knows the situation with regard to my sister and I and wasn't surprised when I told her what had gone on. I'm just glad that part of it is settled and I can start practicing psalm 23. I always get nervous when I have to do any kind of speaking in public. I hope the butterflies don't get too bad.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Follow-up
Since my last post I've had some feedback from friends and acquaintances saying that they feel that I should still go to my Uncle's memorial because they feel I would regret it if I don't. I'm not upset by the feedback, in fact I welcome it. My assistant will be gone through next Monday. Her name is Lisa, and she goes with me on trips, and is also my right hand and friend, Because she's on vacation this week and I don't want to interrupt her, she doesn't know what happened between the time she left and now. I'll be speaking to her when she gets back though.
There are many reasons why I won't speak to my sister or be around her. Since, for many reasons, I don't want to go into them here, I can see why I've gotten the feedback that I have, and once again, let me state for the record that the feedback is welcomed and indeed appreciated, However, it's not as simple as it might sound to some of you. If there is a way that I can explain the situation in another post without running the risk of any family members running across it by accident, please let me know so that I can elaborate further. Those of you who might read this blog from Mylot, Facebook, or Twitter are welcome to either comment here or message me at any of those three places with any suggestions you might have. Thank you in advance.
There are many reasons why I won't speak to my sister or be around her. Since, for many reasons, I don't want to go into them here, I can see why I've gotten the feedback that I have, and once again, let me state for the record that the feedback is welcomed and indeed appreciated, However, it's not as simple as it might sound to some of you. If there is a way that I can explain the situation in another post without running the risk of any family members running across it by accident, please let me know so that I can elaborate further. Those of you who might read this blog from Mylot, Facebook, or Twitter are welcome to either comment here or message me at any of those three places with any suggestions you might have. Thank you in advance.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
A painful and difficult decision
Shortly before I logged in to post today's entry, I had to make a very painful and difficult decision. As I stated before in a recent post, my uncle recently died, and my plan had been to go to his memorial, which will take place in July. My plan had been to attend, and I had been asked to read psalm 23 from the bible. However, all previous plans have now gone out the window because I found out that my sister will be staying at our cottage for the weekend of the memorial. This would be no problem if I got along with my sister, but the truth is, not only do I not get along with her, I despise her and will not have anything to do with her whatsoever. The reasons why are for another post.
The events that led up to this decision started with me telling my mom that I wouldn't sit with my sister during the memorial service. Of course, this led to a verbal butting of heads during which my mother mentioned that my sister would be staying at the cottage during the weekend of the memorial while I was there as well. I told my mother that if that was the case, I would either stay at a hotel or not come to the memorial at all. As soon as that sentence came out of my mouth, my mother started going on and on about how if I stayed at a hotel, I would miss out on all the family get-togethers which are to use my mother's words, what the memorial is all about. Hearing my mother say that made me want to vomit because it's such a hypocritical statement given how I've been treated by them. That was the last straw, I ended the conversation right there and made the decision not to attend my uncle's memorial. It hurts, but I need to consider my mental and emotional health.
The events that led up to this decision started with me telling my mom that I wouldn't sit with my sister during the memorial service. Of course, this led to a verbal butting of heads during which my mother mentioned that my sister would be staying at the cottage during the weekend of the memorial while I was there as well. I told my mother that if that was the case, I would either stay at a hotel or not come to the memorial at all. As soon as that sentence came out of my mouth, my mother started going on and on about how if I stayed at a hotel, I would miss out on all the family get-togethers which are to use my mother's words, what the memorial is all about. Hearing my mother say that made me want to vomit because it's such a hypocritical statement given how I've been treated by them. That was the last straw, I ended the conversation right there and made the decision not to attend my uncle's memorial. It hurts, but I need to consider my mental and emotional health.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Where I grew up and my parent's background
Although I now live in Minnesota, I'm originally from Washington State. I grew up in a place called Ravensdale, but since no one has heard of it, I always say I'm from Seattle, which is more well known. Ravensdale is about 45 minutes south of Seattle and had a small-town feel to it when I was growing up there. My parents grew up in Minnesota and moved to Washington State in 1959. At the time, my dad was serving in the army as he had been drafted into it in 1958 and married my mom shortly after. My dad had originally tried out for the Marine officers training program, but couldn't pass the physical due to a knee injury while playing college football.
My mom is one of five girls. She was the next-to-youngest one in her family, and from everything I know of and everything I've heard, she had a wonderful childhood. Both of my parents studied to become teachers. My mom eventually became a music teacher, and my dad started out as a teacher and eventually became a principal. By the time I was born, ny mom and dad were working in the same middle school, she as a music teacher, he as the principal of said middle school. That would eventually become a BIG problem for me, but that's another post,
My mom is one of five girls. She was the next-to-youngest one in her family, and from everything I know of and everything I've heard, she had a wonderful childhood. Both of my parents studied to become teachers. My mom eventually became a music teacher, and my dad started out as a teacher and eventually became a principal. By the time I was born, ny mom and dad were working in the same middle school, she as a music teacher, he as the principal of said middle school. That would eventually become a BIG problem for me, but that's another post,
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Guardian angels
What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the words guardian angel? Most people think of the spiritual beings that are so often spoken and heard about. I think of them as well, but I also think of 2 people in my family who did everything they could and more to make my life better and more comfortable than it otherwise would have been.
These two people were my mother's sister Beverly Fish and her husband Edward. My uncle Edward, along with his mother, Clara, built from the ground up a company that would eventually become Universal Hospital Services. This company was a medical supply company that woud sell or rent medical equipment to hospitals and people who needed it. My Aunt Beverly started out as a nurse, but when she married my Uncle Edward, she joined him in his company and helped him to make it into a renowned success.
My uncle and Aunt were wealthy people, but unlike most people who have health, they always put other's needs before their own. One of the people they helped was me. Besides providing the money needed to remodel my childhood home almost from the ground up, they also paid for every single penny of my stay at Courage Center for the entire two year period that I was there. Also, they made sure that every home they owned had at least one part of it that was accessible for me. And I should have said that this was the first thing they did, but they also bought me my very first wheelchair-accessible van when they retired in 1987.
Sadly, my Aunt Beverly died of ovarian cancer on September 26, 2001. My uncle died on February 22 of this year. I cannot put adequately put into words how overwhelmed and sad I feel that they're now both gone from this world, but I can say that if it weren't for them, my life would have been completely different from what it is now. I have dedicated myself to passing the good they did for me on to others in whatever way I can. Thankfully, I was able to thank each of them for everything they did for me before they left this world, and that brings me a small bit of comfort.
These two people were my mother's sister Beverly Fish and her husband Edward. My uncle Edward, along with his mother, Clara, built from the ground up a company that would eventually become Universal Hospital Services. This company was a medical supply company that woud sell or rent medical equipment to hospitals and people who needed it. My Aunt Beverly started out as a nurse, but when she married my Uncle Edward, she joined him in his company and helped him to make it into a renowned success.
My uncle and Aunt were wealthy people, but unlike most people who have health, they always put other's needs before their own. One of the people they helped was me. Besides providing the money needed to remodel my childhood home almost from the ground up, they also paid for every single penny of my stay at Courage Center for the entire two year period that I was there. Also, they made sure that every home they owned had at least one part of it that was accessible for me. And I should have said that this was the first thing they did, but they also bought me my very first wheelchair-accessible van when they retired in 1987.
Sadly, my Aunt Beverly died of ovarian cancer on September 26, 2001. My uncle died on February 22 of this year. I cannot put adequately put into words how overwhelmed and sad I feel that they're now both gone from this world, but I can say that if it weren't for them, my life would have been completely different from what it is now. I have dedicated myself to passing the good they did for me on to others in whatever way I can. Thankfully, I was able to thank each of them for everything they did for me before they left this world, and that brings me a small bit of comfort.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
My story
It's time for my readers to get to know me better. Before I go into that though, there are a couple of things that I need to say. The first is that this post may be difficult to read, so you may want to have a box of tissues nearby. The second thing I want to say is that my aim in posting my story is not to gain pity or sympathy, but to allow you, the reader to get to know a little bit about who MotorizedMillie is.
I started out as a mistake. What I mean by that is that I was an unplanned pregnancy. My parents had already had one child and had decided that one was enough. So, in 1972, my mother had an in utero device, more commonly known as an IUD implanted inside of her. This was a form of birth control that was very popular in the 1970s. My mother became pregnant while she still had the IUD inside her. The doctors that she had at the time didn't want to remove the IUD for fear of terminating the pregnancy in the process, so it was kept in.
The IUD eventually punctured the amniotic sack causing me to be born 2 months prematurely on June 20, 1973. I was eventually diagnosed with cerebral palsy at the age of a year and a half. I grew up in a house where conflict was the rule rather than the exception. The screaming and shouting between my parents and my sister, or indeed between my parents themselves went on almost 24/7. On top of that, from the age of 4 until the age of seven, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by a nanny.There was also one incident of sexual abuse inflicted upon me by the son of the nanny. All of the abuse was so horrific that my mind eventually blocked it out. The memories of the abuse didn't return until many years later, while I was attending Courage Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. This is a rehabilitation facility where people with disabilities such as mine could go to gain the skills needed in order to live independently. I was there from 1991-1993. I'll write more about how I was able to come there in my next post, but these are the facts that are relevant to this post.
By 1992, the memories of the abuse that I had suffered as a child had begun to return. and I had begun the painstaking process of healing which was to last many many years. During the holiday period of that year, I returned home to Seattle, Washington to spend Christmas with my family. My parents picked me up at the airport and almost immediately began arguing again. I said nothing until we arrived at the house. When we got there, I rook my mother aside, told her that I hadn't come home to listen to arguing and asked her if she and my father had ever considered marital couseling. Her response was to look me in the eye and tell me that if it weren't for me, the problems between she and my father wouldn't exist. Needless to say, as a result of that conversation, I respect my parents as human beings, but that is as far as it goes. There is obviously more to come, but I need to stop for today because writing this has taken a lot out of me.
I started out as a mistake. What I mean by that is that I was an unplanned pregnancy. My parents had already had one child and had decided that one was enough. So, in 1972, my mother had an in utero device, more commonly known as an IUD implanted inside of her. This was a form of birth control that was very popular in the 1970s. My mother became pregnant while she still had the IUD inside her. The doctors that she had at the time didn't want to remove the IUD for fear of terminating the pregnancy in the process, so it was kept in.
The IUD eventually punctured the amniotic sack causing me to be born 2 months prematurely on June 20, 1973. I was eventually diagnosed with cerebral palsy at the age of a year and a half. I grew up in a house where conflict was the rule rather than the exception. The screaming and shouting between my parents and my sister, or indeed between my parents themselves went on almost 24/7. On top of that, from the age of 4 until the age of seven, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by a nanny.There was also one incident of sexual abuse inflicted upon me by the son of the nanny. All of the abuse was so horrific that my mind eventually blocked it out. The memories of the abuse didn't return until many years later, while I was attending Courage Center in Minneapolis, Minnesota USA. This is a rehabilitation facility where people with disabilities such as mine could go to gain the skills needed in order to live independently. I was there from 1991-1993. I'll write more about how I was able to come there in my next post, but these are the facts that are relevant to this post.
By 1992, the memories of the abuse that I had suffered as a child had begun to return. and I had begun the painstaking process of healing which was to last many many years. During the holiday period of that year, I returned home to Seattle, Washington to spend Christmas with my family. My parents picked me up at the airport and almost immediately began arguing again. I said nothing until we arrived at the house. When we got there, I rook my mother aside, told her that I hadn't come home to listen to arguing and asked her if she and my father had ever considered marital couseling. Her response was to look me in the eye and tell me that if it weren't for me, the problems between she and my father wouldn't exist. Needless to say, as a result of that conversation, I respect my parents as human beings, but that is as far as it goes. There is obviously more to come, but I need to stop for today because writing this has taken a lot out of me.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Didn't think I had it in me
I'm feeling very proud of myself at the moment. Why, you ask? Well, I've managed to sign up for a goggle adsense account and set up ads for my blog all by myself! I've never done anything quite that technical before, or at least not all on my own.Yay me!. I know I said I'd be back later, but I wanted to get the ads set up first. Ok, now I really will be back later with another post.
New blog new start
Hello everyone,
Well, I used to blog at another site and then, for many years, I took a long break. I now feel the urge to start blogging again as a means of expressing myself. As the name of my blog implies, I use a motorized wheelchair to get around, and my name is Millie which is short for Millicent. I hope also, to make a bit of extra money from this blog, and am waiting to hear whether I will be allowed to do so as we speak, As such, there may at some point be ads placed in the side bar of this blog. If you are so inclined please click on them. Although I am by no means broke, living on a fixed income can be difficult and every little bit helps, I'll be back with another post as soon as I've had some sleep and coffee. Be blessed.
Well, I used to blog at another site and then, for many years, I took a long break. I now feel the urge to start blogging again as a means of expressing myself. As the name of my blog implies, I use a motorized wheelchair to get around, and my name is Millie which is short for Millicent. I hope also, to make a bit of extra money from this blog, and am waiting to hear whether I will be allowed to do so as we speak, As such, there may at some point be ads placed in the side bar of this blog. If you are so inclined please click on them. Although I am by no means broke, living on a fixed income can be difficult and every little bit helps, I'll be back with another post as soon as I've had some sleep and coffee. Be blessed.
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